Well, wouldn't you know it, that lead me to the things that STILL bother me. For something to bother me, I've decided, there has to be a stinkin' good reason. I can give almost everything to God and find that I require no one's counsel to do so (as it all can be found in God's Word). It all can be found in my son's sweet touch. It all can be found in true, sacrificial and purposeful living. It can be found in the natural progression of someone transitioning from a young adult and first time mom, to a champion of my family and a competent, fully capable human being. Can I get an amen??
Ok, so, I thought this list was interesting enough to share with you. It was cathartic for me, and I'm hoping it encourages you. I have composed a list of things I am "ok" with and that means that I have peace over them where they had previously weakened my testimony and hurt me. I have then written a list of things I am "not ok" with, and those are the things that require constant prayer, supplication and ADVOCACY as major issues either in my life or in the world. Finally, I wrote "goals" which mean that those items are still smaller issues, but that I have not quite come to terms with and believe God would still have me improve. Ready? I challenge you to make a similar list!! It was really, a lovely experience.
Disclaimer: Transparency ahead!!
I'm ok with you having different beliefs than me.
I'm ok with my weight.
I'm ok with my friends having better friends than me.
I'm ok with my friends having adventures without me.
I'm ok with you canceling a playdate with my son.
I'm ok with you unfollowing me.
I'm ok with you disliking me.
I'm ok with you gossiping about me.
I'm ok with being broke at times.
I'm ok with being a complete and total geek.
I'm ok with the fact that I obsess over books and movies at the expense of occasional productivity.
I'm ok with working part-time (if at all) depending on my family's needs.
I'm ok with needing Jesus' help almost constantly.
I'm ok with Christians who drink socially.
I'm ok with Christians who smoke.
I'm ok with Christian women who don't instantly scream "Christian" because of their exterior or lifestyle.
I'm ok with a sink full of dishes.
I'm ok with my son's ailments.
I'm ok with hospital stays.
I'm ok with uncertainty.
I'm ok with any person for any reason who is different than me on the exterior (or on the interior).
I'm ok with my freckles.
I'm ok with being told "no" in prayer.
I'm ok with being told to wait.
I'm ok with not getting to go on dates.
I'm ok with not having the luxuries other people might have.
I'm ok with not having the freedom other people appear to have.
I'm ok with being different.
I'm ok with freckles.
I'm ok with body fat.
I'm ok with toddler meltdowns that I can't solve in public.
I'm ok with toddler meltdowns I can't fix in the privacy of my own home.
I'm ok with smartphones.
I'm ok with video games.
I'm ok with yoga pants in public.
I'm ok with a stomach showing in church because its owner's hands are lifted towards the heavens in praise.
I'm ok with not having a top blog.
I'm ok with not having an ideal life.
I'm ok with not being Pinterest.
I'm ok with running errands when I didn't get a chance to shower.
I'm ok with not wearing makeup.
I'm ok with walking in a few minutes late.
I'm ok with Nolan not eating his vegetables or letting me read him a book.
I'm ok with not being able to sing as high as I used to.
I'm ok with having a few junk drawers currently floating around in my home.
I'm ok being WRONG.
I'm ok with needing to apologize.
I'm ok with sometimes acting my age.
I'm ok with drinking the occasional Red Bull, eating the occasional chocolate cake, and thoroughly enjoying some frozen pizza.
I'm ok with being a wreck sometimes.
I'm ok with people who have hurt me.
I'm ok with moms who parent their children differently.
I'm ok with not being blissfully, perfectly happy in my marriage 24/7.
I'm ok with my son not being fully potty-trained.
I'm ok with my son's dirty t-shirt that was not bought on Etsy that did not require a professional photography session while it was on.
I'm ok with Walmart mascara instead of Mac 9 times out of 10.
I'm ok with living frugally.
I'm ok with needing God's provision.
I'm ok with insurance companies.
I'm ok with my son's surgeries.
I'm ok with his therapists (even on bad days).
I'm ok with life throwing me curveballs.
I'm ok with needing people's advise. I'm ok with needing other people's help.
I'm ok with other people succeeding.
I'm ok with my husband's sole success. I'm ok with my sisters' success...or my brother's. I'm ok with my friends' successes. I'm ok with taking a backseat for undisclosed periods of time.
I'm ok with Taco Bell and Burgerville when I'm starving and exhausted after a tough day.
I'm ok with not being very good at dance anymore.
I'm ok with not taking very good pictures.
I'm ok with my unfinished scrapbook and my un-whitened teeth.
I'm not ok with special needs children not getting a chance at life.
I'm not ok with "normal" babies not getting a chance at life.
I'm not ok with terrorism.
I'm not ok with malaria, AIDS and children dying of starvation.
I'm not ok with my faith being bashed and my Savior being question, parodied or disrespected.
I'm not ok with 1 in 3 women being sexually assaulted.
I'm not ok with child brides in the Middle East.
I'm not ok with child brides in the United States.
I'm not ok with America choosing to not involve itself in the affairs of a hurting world that is desperate for aid...desperate for justice.
I'm not alright with my son being judged.
I'm not ok with the persecution of others based on ANYTHING at all that makes them different.
I'm not ok with bullies.
I'm not ok with racism.
I'm not ok with sexism.
I'm not ok with rape culture.
I'm not ok with neglect and child abuse.
I'm not ok with the misuse of God's Word and the corruption of religious organizations.
I'm not ok with Seaworld.
I'm not ok with hatred.
I'm not ok with other people's pain.
I'm not ok with you messing with my family.
I'm not ok with ignorance.
I'm not ok with the sinful, fallen, nearly decomposing state of our world.
God, I pray that you help me remain broken for what breaks your heart. I pray that you give me an enormous amount of reality any time I dislike something in my first-world, entitled American home. I pray that you help me keep my eyes fixed on true issues-- true crimes against humanity. I pray that you help me stand up for my son. I pray that you help me support my friends. I pray that you help me find small ways that I can plug in to charities and organizations even here in Oregon that are making a difference-- furthering your kingdom by assisting your children, preserving your creation and strengthening your peace. Please help me remain alert. Please fix my eyes not on a celebrities most recent meltdown...not on a current hot topic on Facebook...not on a debate in the saga of the Mommy Wars...not on my own mirror...not on my own wallet...not on my own ignorance...not on my own privilege...not on my own fears...not on me in any way shape or form but on you.
I want to be an informed human being. I want to be a compassionate one. When you require it, I want to be an INTOLERANT one. I want to stand up for things that require standing up for. I want to leave a legacy behind for my beautiful son. I want to do something. Please, please, let me be your hands.